


If there's a chance

by sir_kingsley



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 14:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14673173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sir_kingsley/pseuds/sir_kingsley
Summary: A game of truth or dare brings up some old memories and a lot of buried feelings for Dean and Cas.





	If there's a chance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [quiettewandering](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiettewandering/gifts).



> Hello! This is a very, very, VERY VERY VERY late birthday present for [wanderingcas](https://wanderingcas.tumblr.com/). Sam, happy super belated birthday! I love you and hope you enjoy this angst fest.

It's just a small get-together a few weeks before graduation. 

Dean makes himself at home in Charlie’s kitchen, pilfering through her cabinets and setting out snacks. He hears the front door open and the living room is suddenly loud with too many voices. He opens another beer and takes a long pull.

“If you get drunk before we even get the games out, Charlie will kill you,” Jo teases as she breezes toward the fridge and puts her six-pack inside.

“It’s only my third,” Dean promises. “We have a long way before we reach Twister levels of destruction.”

“For your sake, I hope you’re right because if you fall on me again, I’m slashing one of your tires.”

Dean gasps, horrified, and brings a hand to his chest. “You wouldn’t dare harm my baby.”

“You bruised my tailbone!” Jo cries and Dean almost grins remembering how he hadn’t been pulled out that mess of limbs in much better condition.

“i really think you need to stop living in the past, Jo, and move on-” He cuts off into a laugh when Jo punches him and dashes back out into the party area.

Another few people arrive and Dean leans into the counter with a handful of pretzels, feeling heavier as he listens to his friends chat. He just hasn’t been able to shake this exhaustion and part of him longs to just be at home in his bed. He’s not sure if it’s the looming threat of finals or what that’s holding him back, but he knows for sure that this is one of the last times he’ll have to see all of his favorite people before they get their degrees and walk off in different directions. So he wouldn’t miss it for the world.

“Okay!” he hears Charlie shout from the next room. “Put that away and then everyone get ready for some Trivial Pursuit!”

There’s a chorus of groans that follow and Dean joins in and brings his beer to his mouth. If they’re starting with that shit he’s going to need to drink faster to survive.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean coughs and nearly chokes when he hears the deep voice. He sets the beer down and wipes at his face, trying to recover as smoothly as possible.

“H-hey, Cas.”

Cas stares at him a little concerned before his lips curve in a soft smile. “Hiding in the kitchen again?”

“I, uh, I put myself on snack duty,” he replies and flinches when he feels the crushed pretzels in his fist. Cas notices and Dean’s immediate reaction is to unclench his hand and a few crumbs start to fall on the floor and flails for a moment, no idea what to do from here.

Finally, he just chucks it all in the trashcan next to Cas and dusts his hands off, avoiding all eye contact.

The silence that follows is awkward to he point of being painful and Dean kind of wants to throw himself in the trashcan.

Cas makes a small noise. “Well... I just, um.” He lifts the back in his hand. “I’m just gonna put this in the fridge.”

“Oh, yeah, go ahead,” Dean says and nearly slaps himself because this isn’t his fucking house.

Cas puts his things away and inches toward the door. “Guess I should... get back to everyone else.”

“Yeah,” Dean says a little too quickly and he registers the way Cas kinda flinches. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll, uh, be there soon.”

Cas hesitates just a moment before fleeing the room and Dean shoves his hands through his hair, tries to release a slow breath and tell himself that everything is going to be okay.

He catches a glimpse of his beer bottle and sighs. Everything is going to be okay.

But he’s gonna need to switch to the hard stuff.

Whiskey carries him through a downright hostile game of Trivial Pursuit because — as they’ve told Charlie a million times — nobody fucking likes Trivial Pursuit.

After that massacre they transition to Taboo and a game of Kings. At this point everyone has a nice buzz going and the shouting is more playful and nearly drowned out by fits of laughter. Everything is loud and obnoxious and happy and Dean sinks into the couch with a pleased grin.

He catches sight of Cas a few times from across the room. He’s pressed up against Hannah and Dean tries to ignore the nauseous curls of jealousy in his stomach. Cas never looks back at him.

The night starts to wind down and Charlie suggests a dread classic: truth or dare. Everyone groans again.

“It’s either that or more Trivial Pursuit, bitches,” Charlie threatens and they shut up real fast.

The thing about playing truth or dare with people you’ve known for four years is that there aren’t many things you haven’t shared with them either through previous games, late night heart-to-hearts, or drunken rambling. So the game primarily becomes a list of petty dares, like making Benny shave half of his beard, or making Charlie record a video of her saying that Star Wars is better than Star Trek which just about makes her scream and in retribution Dorothy has to post a selfie in a full face of makeup.

They go round a few times and it comes back to Dean. He’s already been forced to perform a One Direction song and he had to take a photo in shorts. The whiskey is sitting in him pretty heavily and he isn’t too keen on moving anymore so he just blinks and slurs, “Truth.”

Victor grins like a proud hyena. “What is the most orgasms you’ve ever given someone?”

The room explodes in snickers and lecherous smiles while Dean chokes on air. “Dude! I’m not gonna tell you that!”

“You have to answer, Dean,” Garth sings.

“That’s the rule,” Jo says and the rest of the room hums in agreement.

Dean fidgets in his seat as the right night comes to mind and his body feels hot just remembering it. He keeps his eyes on the floor because if he looks up and sees ±god, he’s gonna have a heart attack.

“Dean, come on!”

He swallows. “Five.”

“Damn!”

“You’re lying!”

“There’s no way that’s true,” Jo says, “or else we would have known because you wouldn’t have been able to keep your big mouth shut about it.”

“I, for one, am extremely proud of you and honored to call you friend,” Charlie said and hits her chest with her fist.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Whose next?”

“Oh no, no, no, hold up,” Victor says through his laughter. “We need to know who the lucky person was!”

“That’s not how the game works; you get one question.”

“Ah come on, Dean,” Dorothy whines and hits his legs. “Tell us who it was!”

“Yeah, I’m dying to know who had the pleasure of being satisfied by the great Dean Winchester so thoroughly,” Charlie says with an almost purr that in any other situation would have had Dean falling over backwards laughing. But now it just makes him feel sick.

“I can’t-”

“Was is Lisa?” Benny asks.

“No.”

“Or Aaron?” Garth wonders.

“Guys, no, it doesn’t-”

“I bet it was Anna,” Dorothy whispers conspiratorially to Charlie.

Dean stares at the floor helpless and feeling sicker with each name thrown out because this is all sorts of wrong, but he absolutely can’t let himself look up. If he does he knows exactly what he’ll see and he can’t-

But he does. 

And looks directly into blue eyes. 

“Oh my god, it was Cas!”

His gaze snaps to Charlie whose practically jumping up and down, grin threatening to split her face and she pointing between Dean and Cas.

Their friends dissolve into hysterics and Cas bows his head, hiding his face, while Dean sits there horrified and sober in an instant. 

“I can’t fucking believe this,” Charlie giggles. “And that neither of you ever said anything!”

Cas looks up then and his face is unreadable. “Dean and I agreed that our sex life was none of your business,” he says and his voice is so calm it’s terrifying.

“But friends tell friends when friends make them cum five times,” Jo says and sounds genuinely outraged at having been kept from this information. Right before falling into another fit of laughter.

“Five times,” Victor gasps, catching his breath. “That’s impressive.”

“Yeah, Cas, I can’t believe you’d let him go after that,” Dorothy jokes and reaches for her drink.

“Cas didn’t let him go.”

The voice is quiet and takes everyone a minute to calm down but then all eyes turn to Hannah.

“What?” Dorothy asks.

Hannah sips from her glass and licks the liquor from her lips. “You said you couldn’t believe that Cas let him go.”

“Hannah,” Cas says softly. A plead.

“But Dean is the one who dumped Cas.”

The words settle in the middle of the room and its like all the joy and easiness that had been there just moments ago was pushed out. Vanished. 

Dean stares at the carpet like it holds the answer to turn back time five minutes and prevent this conversation from ever happening. Or maybe it could go back two years, five months, and sixteen days. Before Dean fucked everything up.

“Cas, man,” Benny starts, his voice as soft as Dean’s ever heard it. “Hey, we didn’t mean to-”

“It fine,” Cas says, still sounding calm but distant. “I think it’s time for me to go.”

Dean hears Cas stand and he doesn’t dare move. There a soft murmur of voices and then the front door opens and closes and the room is still.

“Dean?” Charlie asks and he feels a gentle hand on his knee.

He swallows and doesn’t look at her. “I think I need to go too.”

He practically runs out of the house and sucks in a few deep breaths. The sun is long gone and the air is cool and he lets it bite at his skin for a minute before pulling on his jacket and starting to walk.

He wants to be angry — angry at Victor for asking that damn question, angry with his friends for goading him, angry at himself for even answering and signaling out Cas like that.

Cas. Goddammit. 

As if Dean hadn’t hurt him enough, he then had to humiliate him in front of all of their friends — the people who were the entire reason he and Dean had agreed to stay friends after everything ended.

That had probably been the hardest decision of Dean’s life, a painful and long transition to go from loving someone one day to still loving them the next but not being able to kiss them or touch them or really even look at them without feeling your chest cave in.

Dean kicks at a rock and breathes out. What’s done is done.

He nears the end of the street and makes out a figure leaning against the light post. They have their head bowed and Dean makes to cross for the other side of the road. But as he gets closer he can make out their frame better and he stops.

“Cas?”

The figure startles and turns, Cas’s face coming into the light and he looks like an angel.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean’s heart gives a sharp kick. “What are you doing?”

Cas’s eyes wander for a moment and then return to Dean and he shrugs. “I don’t know.”

Dean takes a moment to steel himself and walks closer. Cas doesn’t move but his eyes track Dean until they’re just a foot apart. 

“Look, Cas, I’m sorry about tonight. I never meant to put our business out like that.”

Cas offers a half smile. “It’s fine. I know it wasn’t your fault.”

It’s an out but Dean can’t take it. “I could have lied or something.”

“Dean, it’s fine,” Cas repeats. “It was just a game.” He tilts his head back, looking into the light and he looks so soft and beautiful and Dean wants to touch him everywhere. He sighs and looks at Dean again. “I need to get home. Have a good night.”

Cas... walks away. With the ghost of a smile. He turns his back and walks ahead and Dean feels each step echo in his chest.

This could be the last time. It could be the last time that they ever see each other.

His last memory of Cas can’t be him walking away. Can’t be that smile.

“Cas, wait!”

Dean runs after him and Cas turns back with a tired expression. “Dean, please-”

“Truth or dare?”

Cas blinks. “What?”

“Truth or dare?” Dean repeats.

“I don’t understand, Dean, what are you-?”

“Cas,” Dean pleads. “Truth or dare?”

Cas tilts his head and regards Dean carefully before slowly answering, “Truth.”

“Do you hate me?”

“Dean!” Cas cries, sounding shocked.

“Please just answer the question.”

“I-I” Cas stutters and looks around uncomfortably. “No,” he finally says, shaking his head. “I don’t hate you.”

Dean accepts the answer with a nod, trusting Cas’s word. “Okay ask me.”

“Ask you what?”

“Truth or dare.”

Cas scowls. “You can’t be serious.” Dean just looking at him and Cas breathes out sharply through his nose. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Dean says immediately. 

“Why are you doing this?” Cas asks and looks Dean in the eye with a challenge.

Dean swallows roughly. “Because we haven’t talked in over two years and it’s been killing me and I don’t want this to be the last time we see each other.” Deans says it all at once until he’s breathless. Cas just blinks. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Cas says, folding his arms over his chest, and Dean knows he’s just trying to be difficult but he goes along with it.

“Then I dare you to tell me one thing that’s happened to you in the last two years that I don’t know about.”

Cas shakes his head, looking irritated. “I don’t know, Dean. I... My mom’s in remission.” 

Dean feels his heart flip and he grins. “What? Really? Since when?”

“About seven months ago. She still has a while before they deem her cured, but she hasn’t had treatments in a while and she’s feeling a lot better.”

“God, Cas that- that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you. W-why didn’t you tell me?”

Cas frowns at him. “Because we weren’t talking, Dean.”

“But you had to know that I would always be there for you. We used to be best friends.”

“And then you broke my heart,” Cas says coldly and matter-of-factly. “So I apologize if I didn’t feel comfortable confiding in you anymore, but that’s what happens when you blindside someone and crush them, Dean.”

Dean’s face stings as if he’s been slapped. “I know, Cas. I know I hurt you but you gotta know I never meant to. You were everything to me.” 

You still are.

“Then why did you break up with me?” Cas asks and some of the edge to his tone is gone, replaced with a deafening vulnerability Dean isn’t sure that he’s ready for. “I know we’re young and relationships end all the time but I thought... I thought we were different. I thought you were the one. And you made me feel like an idiot.”

“Cas,” Dean breathes and tries to reach out but Cas twists away. “I didn’t- you weren’t...” He’s had this conversation with himself about a thousand times but he still doesn’t know how to respond. Why did I ruin the one thing that made me happy? is there even a good answer to a question like this? 

“I was terrified.” The words fall from his mouth without thought. “Because I thought you were the one too. But no one meets the love of their life at nineteen.”

“I did.” Cas says it with so much conviction it’s startling and all Dean can do is gape for a moment.

He looks down in shame. “I didn’t have that confidence, Cas. I knew it was going to end one day, that you would leave me when you realized... I thought if we kept going it was just going hurt worse when it finally did end.”

Cas stares at him, his face unreadable. “So you left me because you thought I was going to leave you?”

Dean doesn’t trust himself to speak just yet so he just nods. 

“And you didn’t think to talk to me about it first?”

Dean shakes his head and unclenches his fists helplessly. “You know me, Cas. What could you have said that you honestly think I would have believed?”

Cas doesn’t say anything and just looks away.

They stand there for several long seconds in the glow of the light post, neither making a sound other than to breathe.

“Truth or dare?”

Dean looks up. Cas still isn’t facing him. “I think it’s technically my turn.”

“Just answer the damn question, Dean.”

“Truth.”

“Do you regret it?” Cas turns then and he looks scared and braced for a blow.

Dean feels his heart stutter. “Every day for two years, five months, and sixteen days.”

He watches the fear in Cas’s eyes turn to wonderment and he can see a soft blush high on his cheeks. 

“Truth or dare?” Dean asks.

“Truth.”

“Do you think we could... could we ever- I mean, I know I don’t deserve it, but is there a chance-”

Cas steps forward and presses a finger to Dean’s lips. He’s so close it takes the wind out of Dean and he doesn’t dare move, just stares into the blue eyes he’s missed so much.

“Yes,” Cas says softly. “There’s a chance.”

Nothing changes immediately. They take their time getting to know each other again and building the trust they need to make it work.

The day of their graduation, they share their first kiss in two years, six months, and seven days. Every touch to follow is slow and calculated but desperate and revered. 

Things pick up gradually as more time passes until it’s like no time has passed at all and you’re lucky to catch one without the other. 

Its at two years, nine months, and twenty days when Dean suggests they try to break their record. And Cas blushes and says it’s impossible even as his eyes light up and he licks his lips.

Dean leans in and kisses him, long and deep, pulling away to nibble down his jaw until he can whisper in his ear that if anyone has a chance, it’s them.


End file.
